No one can deny the presence of jealousy in a love relationship. Here you will find ten hints that may help you understand Jealousy between lovers and how to live easier with it.
“. . . la jalousie . . . monster odieux.” —Moliere
Ware jealousy as you would ‘ware wire: for it no psychiater has yet discovered a balm.
To make an experiment of jealousy is to make a very hazardous experiment indeed.
Jealousy is no proof of love, for often jealousy is but rancor under a sense of humiliation. Indeed, jealousy is a sign of weakness:
The lover whose self-confidence assures him of his pre-eminence fears no rival. Yet male self-confidence is peculiarly vulnerable where women be concerned, since, as no man knows what it is appeals to a woman, he does not know on what to pride himself:
Even an Othello is jealous of even an Iago. Yet it is only the spectators who see the folly of Othello. Desdemonas usually are helpless as they are oblivious.
The illicitly favored lover is never jealous of the husband; but of another illicitly favored lover, how jealous he is. But jealousy, like modesty, and like virtue, varies with every time and clime: what is customary in Cairo would rouse consternation in Kent, and what goes on in Vienna shocks New England.
So, How the husband favored lover differs also with every time and clime: here he is mulcted in damages, there he is shot down, in a third place he is tolerated.
How the woman thinks her husband should treat the illicitly favored lover —that you shall never find out.
The edacity of jealousy is unappeasable:
A wronged lover, in his pain, looks for more pain to bear: like a martyr in an ecstasy, he cries out for further tortures. In love one always sees higher unreachable heights; in jealousy always deeper unreachable depths. And There is no wound but leaves its cicatrix.
Mistrust an unexpected change of front.
So, Does your erstwhile frowning lady smile? “cherchez l’homme”, or la femme.
Since to arouse jealousy in another feminine breast is sometimes the motive of feminine complaisance. Indeed, Few women can forgo an opportunity of arousing jealousy, whether in a feminine or in a masculine breast. Bethink thee of this little fact, O man, when next thy lady comports herself thee wards ultra-graciously.
To see the girl of thy heart—even if so be she not thine, nor not nearly thine comport herself with another as she does with thee ah! that gives a twinge to the masculine heart. Nay, lesser things than this will perturb this irascible organ: that the other should admire her charms that she should accept such admiration. . . .. yet what cares she that these discomfort a man?
For a man’s discomfiture is naught to a woman. In sooth, Take a woman to task for her conduct, and with how soft an answer she will turn away your wrath, how deftly make light of your rival’s advances!
Man, when he has won him a woman, is, in his great greed of possession, infinitely chagrined that he was not master of her past as of her present and future This goes by the name of “la jalousie retrospective”.
Women never know quite how to regard a man’s jealousy. It flatters her, yet it pains her. She is the cause of it, yet she would believe it causeless. She deplores it, yet she would not have it quite away. It is proof of love, yet it is fatal to love. How to treat it, puzzles her. Implicit obedience to the man’s wishes lowers her in her own eyes, and, consequently, so she thinks, in his. Yet so rabid is the emotion, she fears to provoke it too far. It places her in a quandary. She never knows what will evoke it; she never knows what course it will run: whether it will cement her lover’s affections, or whether it will dissipate them forever.
It is love’s most dangerous foe, and it is dangerous because it is insidious. If there is any one thing that puts a woman’s wits to the test, it is a man’s jealousy.
The sheerest and most insensate folly a man can commit towards a woman is to let her know that another woman is cognizant of her jealousy of her. He may give the latter a very keen pleasure; but he gives the former a very keen pang. For
The cause of jealousy a woman may condone; the divulgence of her jealousy she will never forgive.
What irritates a jealous man is the actions that cause his jealousy;
What irritates a jealous woman is the person who is the cause of her jealousy. In other words :
A jealous swain upbraids his mistress;
A jealous mistress objurgates her rival.